Well, that was informative! I have discovered that I am incredibly self-centered. I scored low on the interpersonal and worldly axises. I have been spending all of my time for the last couple years in crisis mode and doing damage control in psychospiritual and I have lost track of looking outside myself. Not myself so much as my immediate family. I focus all of my attention on my kids and my marriage and even my own healing, I have become absolutely univolved in the world around me. How horrible is that. I used to volunteer, donate and attend rallies all the time, and I haven't done most of those things in over 3 years! Wow, what an eye opener.
Also I think on a subconscious level I feel guilt and shame over this because all three times I tried the Loving-Kindness exercise I just couldn't. In fact my heart would race and I would feel more anxious. Maybe I didn't want to think about someone else and take on their struggle because I'm just too self-centered right now...
Hmmm....
LibbyK
Libby,
ReplyDeleteIt is a step in the right direction that you see that you are to self involved right now. Some people do not have the power to say that to themselves or anyother person. I think that you are on the right track you are on your way to figuring this out.
Melissa
Libby,
ReplyDeleteI don't think you have ANYTHING to feel guilty about! You are in crisis mode for a reason. You NEED to heal, or you won't really be able to participate fully in the outside world.
You can't take care of others unless you take care of yourself. If you have a complete breakdown, or your marriage collapses, how can you possibly participate in the outside world?
You are tending to your family, your kids, your husband and yourself. No one should ask more of that from you. Raising healthy children with good morals and ethics is a net bonus for the rest of us.
Don't be so hard on yourself hon. You are doing the best that you can. Maybe some outside interaction would help your self-efficacy, mabye it won't. That's a personal decision you have to make.
It is always good to put yourself first but if you think it is too much then at least you can deal with it now that you know. I think that as long as it is not hurting the people around you and the ones that you love then there is nothing wrong with being a little selfish. I bet you werent always like that, some life experience probably made you become who you are today
ReplyDelete