So I'm having the hardest time with these practices! I haven't summed up the loving kindness practice from last week yet even though I tried to do it three different times and I just tried to do the subtle mind practice, but I can't. Help! Two weeks ago I was out to dinner with my family and I ran into the man who raped me when I was 13. I'm in therapy and we're working through it, but ever since running into him I feel like all those feelings are rushing back up to the surface and I'm standing here with my finger in the dam. Each time I try to calm my mind and do one of these meditation practices I feel like I'm pulling my finger out of the dam. I know I just need to set up a safe environment where I can just let it all out and either scream and yell, or cry, but I just can't. I'm too scared.
Sorry classmates.
Libby
Libby,
ReplyDeleteDon't be sorry. You are struggling to recover from a terrible act of violence perpetrated against you. I know it is hard. I have a friend who was gang raped last year. She did not tell us about it until seven months after the attack.
You are a survivor. You can work through this. You are wise and strong to be in therapy and I fervently hope that your counselor/therapist knows what he or she is doing. Just don't give up on yourself.
Concerning the meditations, I'm wondering if these are the right ones for you at this time. I have not had a chance yet to research different guided meditations but there may be a better one for you out there that can help you deal with your emotions.
Don't feel bad, just keep on doing the best that you can! I am sure that those of us who believe in prayer are praying for you now.