My Health Report Card

This is not something I would consider to be fun... I will try to be as honest in my assessment as possible.

Physical Wellbeing
- I would grade myself at a 2 or 3 in Physical Wellbeing. I have been obese since my daughter was born, and I used food to cope with a difficult couple of years my family has been through. I am also unfit, my daughter was born C-section and I haven't built up that core strength yet.
-My goal physically is to get down to a healthy weigh. I don't have a number, I am more interested in feeling healthy.
-To reach this goal I have hired a personal trainer and made a commitment to go to the gym 3-4 days per week. I change up my workouts often so I don't get bored. Also we are changing our diet in the household to more protein and fiber, less sugar and fat, and I'm trying go more organic.

Psychological Wellbeing
-I would grade myself at a 6 or 7 in psychological wellbeing. I am still healing from traumas and I still get triggered from outside sources, but I am aware of my triggers. I am able to feel my reactions and remain present... I hope that makes sense.
-My goal is to get to a place where I no longer get triggered. I want to forgive those who have traumatized me and be in charge of my own happiness rather than relying on others for it.
-I have been in therapy for two years and feel like I was a 1 when I went into therapy. Also I have a very supportive husband whom I can process things with. I have only recently began to meditate and look inward for solutions rather than blame my emotional states on my environment.

Spiritual Wellbeing
-I would grade myself right at a 5. I have a strong sense of faith that everything will be okay. However, I struggle with church and I find myself questioning why a lot. "Thy will be done" is a hard one for me. I question why when karma seems to be backwards. My faith is strong, but my spirituality isn't, if that makes sense.
-My goal would be to reconnect with God and the Earth, also to reconnect with my spiritual self.
-Honestly my spiritual wellbeing was closer to 10 two years ago and has been slipping and I don't have a plan to bring it back up. I guess that is where I have been interested in meditation. like I'm trying to reconnect with my spiritual self.


I feel like taking this class was a step in this process, also learning to meditate, getting out to the gym, changing my diet, and continuing therapy are also big steps. I have made a commitment to myself to become a healthier person within my body, mind, and spirit. The idea that the power to become healthy and happy lies within me rather than my environment has been very empowering.
LibbyK

Amazing Meditation Experience!

Last night I had a strange and amazing experience in meditation. I should tell you that while I am new to the practice of meditation I have used meditation recordings to fall asleep for years because I have anxiety struggles as a result of my PTSD (Posttraumatic Stress Disorder).

Also you should know that my exceptionally high anxiety last night was a result of going out to eat on Sunday night and casually running into the man who raped me when I was 13. In 14 years I have only run into him one other time. It was about 5 years ago and I had my first and only panic attack, I thought I was going to die. Sunday night I was overcome with rage. It felt as though my body was on fire and I couldn't think, or see anything but fire. I could feel my heart thumbing in my chest and apparently I was breathing quickly and crying as well. Anyway he left almost as soon as we saw each other and I was able to have this reaction without him seeing it.

I spent most of Sunday in a trance, but last night I couldn't sleep so I listened to a meditation track on my ipod. After a while I found myself in this strange state where it was as if my body was asleep, but I was conscious. My body was heavy and immovable, but I was aware of it. I felt trapped but not scared like I was under a lead blanket, or swaddled. The weird part was that I couldn't move, I tried for a long time and it took several attempts before I could move even my eyelids or fingers. I was pretty strange to feel disconnected from my body in that way but still be there. It was also amazing because no part of my body ached, or was uncomfortable, it was just there. I  probably sound crazy, but I wanted to share.
LibbyK

The Crime of the Century exercise.

This one was interesting for me, but not quite as relaxing as it was empowering. As it came to each part of the body I applied slight pressure to that place on my body for just a second so that I could physically feel it and concentrated on that spot. Some of the Chakras I didn't have to do that with. It was more energizing for me than relaxing because I could feel all the energies passing through me.

Also it seemed to trigger some of my past traumas when he was on the Yellow Chakra and was talking about self worth. I don't really know why that word triggers me as hard as it does but I felt an overwhelming sadness, cried for a few minutes and moved on.I felt the most energy through the red, yellow, indigo, and violet Chakras.
LibbyK

U2 -Intro and Journey On Relaxation experience

Hey classmates! I'm Libby, this is my Blog, I am absolutely new to the Blog world, so I hope I don't mess it up completely. I named my blog Pollywog in the Fog because I am an infant in my journey for self actualization and the path is completely unknown, much like a polliwog in the fog. I have been a victim for my entire life and this year I decided to create total wellness within myself. I am on a quest to heal my own body, mind, and spirit. I have hired a personal trainer and nutritionist to work with me occasionally to help bring me to a my goals of a healthier body. I have been seeing a therapist for healing on a psychological level and I do nightly meditation.

In therapy and at home I have done a lot of relaxation exercises including breathing exercises and tension and release exercises. I have never done one where I concentrated on my blood flow, that was interesting. I found that while I was breathing and visualizing bloodflow into my arms I could feel my heart thumping in my chest and with my eyes closed I could see red or orange. When I started to visualize the blood flow back to my core my heartbeat slowed and the back of my eyelids seemed darker. It was a neat experience, I will try that one more often.

LibbyK